My Kid Ate Dog Food. And a Sports Illustrated.

I’m not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. A couple of weeks ago, my kid ate dog food.

My daughter, Charlotte, has a passion for crawling through the foyer, kitchen, and dining room. Chasing the dog back and forth is pretty much her life’s work right now.  One day last week, I was chopping broccoli at the kitchen counter and watching Charlotte crawl back and forth. She crawled just out of my view and was suddenly very quiet. In my short run as a parent, I have learned that
QUIET = TROUBLE.

I peeked around the corner, and Charlotte smiled up at me, with a mouth full of chewed up dry dog food. I freaked out, holding her nearly upside down over the trash can, while employing the hooked-finger-in-the-mouth trick I learned in CPR class. Charlotte cried. So did I. I called Poison Control – which my parents and dear husband informed me was a bit excessive. . . The operator did not seem to be nearly as concerned as I was, and I have never felt so stupid. I was basically told that kids eat strange things and to keep a look out for diarrhea.

An hour later, I followed Charlotte into the dining room, where I observed the dog bring dog food to my daughter.  No freakin’ joke. The dog scooped up a mouthful, carried it into the dining room, and spit it out at Charlotte’s feet. I swept in just as she was reaching for it, big grin on her face. I pray that was the first time that has happened, although I have my doubts. . . Charlotte often throws food to the dog, so I’m beginning to wonder if they have a secret food/kibble sharing deal worked out.

Just last week, I left her in the totally baby proofed living room for literally two seconds to pee in the bathroom. With the door open. My house isn’t that big – the bathroom is right there!  In that time, Charlotte managed to open the storage ottoman (she does that now?!), get one of my husband’s Sports Illustrated magazines, and eat a two inch by two inch piece of the cover. Apparently, both dog food and photos of Rory McIlroy are delicious. Nice.

On a side note – I think all parents should have Poison Control programmed into their phones.  The number is 1-800-222-1222.  Just don’t call it if your kid eats dog food. They’ll laugh at you.